Thursday, 18 January 2007
Vagina Soliloquy
I'm reading Levy's Female Chauvinist Pig at the moment and I saw this bit about vaginoplasty or vaginal rejuvination, cosmetic surgery on the vulva and labia. This is a little caption from p23 of the book, I've paraphrased it somewhat.
"plasticsurgerybeverleyhills.net says that the demands for these procedures (vaginoplasty or vaginal rejuvination) is increasing. The surgeries are not designed to heighten sexual pleasure. They are designed to exclusively render the vagina more "attractive". Warning that large labia can give a 'ragged appearance' to a vagina if not 'corrected'."
So they're saying my vagina should be 'corrected' because one of my labia's is a little on the large side.
They're saying I should pay a great deal of money, not so I can increase my pleasure or heighten my orgasm but to please whoever is looking at my vagina.
They also said that some scarring from these procedures can numb sexual pleasure even more, so not only will it not make sex more fun, the procedure will lessen my enjoyment!
Please tell me who is benefitting from these 'procedures' really and why the voyeur is more significant in a woman's relationship with her down there regions than the woman herself or the sensations she feels!
Has society taken the 'woman' or the 'female experience' out of the vagina somehow and laid it out like silly putty for everyone else to play with?
Tuesday, 16 January 2007
Perfection
I want to write a few words today about being a survivor and the want for perfection and/or control in our everyday lives.
As a Survivor: Nearly good enough is not safe enough
I read this on a UK-based survivior site a few days ago. I wrote it down in my journal and it's been on my mind since.
I tried to avoid my abuse. I really, really did. Avoidance was on my mind all the time. It/I was never good enough, my efforts never rendered me safe.
This has left me with a self-hating residue where whatever I attempt to accomplish I presume only failure can happen, I tell myself "come on, don't expect to win at this".
The need to feel control, perfection, safety and constant awareness are really common affects of particularly childhood sexual abuse.
Writing about your coping skills, which ones you recognise are not healthy or positive and acknowledging what you will gain from letting those go are a good way to get started on this. A really good idea is splitting a page in two, one side 'things to give up' on the other side 'things to gain'.
I'm at the beginning, even writing this blog I'm telling myself only failure can happen, I tell myself "come on, don't expect to win at this".
As a Survivor: Nearly good enough is not safe enough
I read this on a UK-based survivior site a few days ago. I wrote it down in my journal and it's been on my mind since.
I tried to avoid my abuse. I really, really did. Avoidance was on my mind all the time. It/I was never good enough, my efforts never rendered me safe.
This has left me with a self-hating residue where whatever I attempt to accomplish I presume only failure can happen, I tell myself "come on, don't expect to win at this".
The need to feel control, perfection, safety and constant awareness are really common affects of particularly childhood sexual abuse.
Writing about your coping skills, which ones you recognise are not healthy or positive and acknowledging what you will gain from letting those go are a good way to get started on this. A really good idea is splitting a page in two, one side 'things to give up' on the other side 'things to gain'.
I'm at the beginning, even writing this blog I'm telling myself only failure can happen, I tell myself "come on, don't expect to win at this".
Sunday, 7 January 2007
Knowing is half the battle
Argh - if only I had known! If only as kids when we had sex ed. class it included sexual and intimate boundaries, how to tell and who to tell, what happens if you disclosed etc etc. This never happened at my school and I'm not going to say how much I wish they had. I think we can empower children and adolescents by letting them know, I think survivors look back with a great loss and a feeling of regret. How things could have been, if circumstance were different, if i had had different information maybe I could have felt empowered to make change.
In 1991, Oprah Winfrey, a sexual abuse survivor initiated a campaign to establish a US-based national database of convicted child abusers. Then-President Clinton signed the "Oprah Bill" into law in 1993. In the aforementioned interview, Oprah stated:
“A part of my mission in life now is to encourage every other child who has been abused to tell. You tell, and if they don't believe you, you keep telling. You tell everybody until somebody listens to you…I don't want another child to be afraid of saying, ‘This is what happened to me’.”
It's odd to realise that my sexual abuse began around 1991ish, I didn't hear Oprah though. If only.
Links
www.welcometobarbados.org Leads to Pandora's Aquarium, the best survivors online chat and message board - incredible survivors of all shapes and sizes online to get support and to support.
www.pandys.org Pandora's Aquarium
www.pandys.org/overtherainbow Lots of information for UK based survivors (mainly England & Scotland), fabulous layout, awesome concept, mixing being a survivor and The Wizard of Oz.
www.fword.org.uk UK based feminist e-zine, feminist, sassy, funny and informative
www.empowerment4women.org International feminist e-zine and information with some hilarious blogs
www.survivors.org UK based informative site
www.rainn.org The Rape Abuse Incest National Network - US based organisation which is a charity, runs a national hotline, is informative, supportive and generally inspirational - I hope the UK will have something as grand someday.
http://surivorscanthrive.com A blog by Marj McCabe, a real survivor
http://rapesurvivor.pbwiki.com/survivor Definitions of the term survivor told by survivors (Thanks to Pandora's Aquarium & Pixie)
www.truthaboutrape.co.uk Lots of UK specific information, but international links too
www.cwasu.org Child & Abuse Studies Unit of London Metropolitan University
www.womankind.org International non-profit organisation which believes in empowering women in developing countries to improve their own situations, health and safety.
www.ibiblio.org/rcip Rape Crisis Information Pathfinder - US based, has lots of links and helpful things for researchers and survivors
www.pandys.org Pandora's Aquarium
www.pandys.org/overtherainbow Lots of information for UK based survivors (mainly England & Scotland), fabulous layout, awesome concept, mixing being a survivor and The Wizard of Oz.
www.fword.org.uk UK based feminist e-zine, feminist, sassy, funny and informative
www.empowerment4women.org International feminist e-zine and information with some hilarious blogs
www.survivors.org UK based informative site
www.rainn.org The Rape Abuse Incest National Network - US based organisation which is a charity, runs a national hotline, is informative, supportive and generally inspirational - I hope the UK will have something as grand someday.
http://surivorscanthrive.com A blog by Marj McCabe, a real survivor
http://rapesurvivor.pbwiki.com/survivor Definitions of the term survivor told by survivors (Thanks to Pandora's Aquarium & Pixie)
www.truthaboutrape.co.uk Lots of UK specific information, but international links too
www.cwasu.org Child & Abuse Studies Unit of London Metropolitan University
www.womankind.org International non-profit organisation which believes in empowering women in developing countries to improve their own situations, health and safety.
www.ibiblio.org/rcip Rape Crisis Information Pathfinder - US based, has lots of links and helpful things for researchers and survivors
Survivorship - a definition to being a survivor
Being a survivor means taking a transition from sexual assault or abuse 'victim' to someone who appreciates how they endured the pain of sexual abuse or rape.
Survivors appreciate what they had to do to get themselves through the abuse or the assault. They have now taken control of their bodies and healing. One can acknowledge oneself as surviving the trauma from an assault of a forced sexual nature, whether it happened once or occured ritualistically for a long period of time which left a psychological, emotional and physical aftermath that must be addressed and processed.
People of any age, origin or gender that experience sexual assault, child abuse, rape, incest or any sexual act against their will are commonly known as victims, forced into the victim category which has connotations of fragility and naivety. The term survivor connotes an act of renaming which is a catalyst to aid in healing, moving forward and regaining control.
Being a survivor is acknowledging how you have suffered and taking an active role in your healing journey.
http://rapesurvivor.pbwiki.com/survivor has definitions from survivors on how they define themselves, the book Quest for Respect describes in more detail the process of transitioning from the victim to the survivor stage of healing.
Survivors appreciate what they had to do to get themselves through the abuse or the assault. They have now taken control of their bodies and healing. One can acknowledge oneself as surviving the trauma from an assault of a forced sexual nature, whether it happened once or occured ritualistically for a long period of time which left a psychological, emotional and physical aftermath that must be addressed and processed.
People of any age, origin or gender that experience sexual assault, child abuse, rape, incest or any sexual act against their will are commonly known as victims, forced into the victim category which has connotations of fragility and naivety. The term survivor connotes an act of renaming which is a catalyst to aid in healing, moving forward and regaining control.
Being a survivor is acknowledging how you have suffered and taking an active role in your healing journey.
http://rapesurvivor.pbwiki.com/survivor has definitions from survivors on how they define themselves, the book Quest for Respect describes in more detail the process of transitioning from the victim to the survivor stage of healing.
Sexual Violence Statistics to WAKE UP to
1 in 4 males and 1 in 3 females will have survived some form of sexual abuse before reaching the age of 18 in the UK
It's estimated there are 148,571 NEW ‘victims’ of childhood sexual abuse each year
That means in excess of 10,400,000 people in the UK are survivors of sexual abuse, around 21% of the population.
To put it into more manageable terms... there are approximately 3 million cars on the road in the UK, so each time you see a car, just think "that's 3 people who have been abused"....you will not be that far wrong.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) published these statistics from the US National Crime Victimisation Survey '05.
Almost two-thirds of all sexual violence in the UK & US were committed by someone who is known to the victim. 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger – 38% of perpetrators were a friend or acquaintance of the victim, 28% were an intimate and 7% were another relative.
National Crime Victimization Survey, 2005: RAINN Statistics
It's estimated there are 148,571 NEW ‘victims’ of childhood sexual abuse each year
That means in excess of 10,400,000 people in the UK are survivors of sexual abuse, around 21% of the population.
To put it into more manageable terms... there are approximately 3 million cars on the road in the UK, so each time you see a car, just think "that's 3 people who have been abused"....you will not be that far wrong.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) published these statistics from the US National Crime Victimisation Survey '05.
- Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.
- One in six American women are victims of sexual assault, and one in 33 men.
- In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.
- About 44% of rape victims are under age 18, and 80% are under age 30.
Almost two-thirds of all sexual violence in the UK & US were committed by someone who is known to the victim. 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger – 38% of perpetrators were a friend or acquaintance of the victim, 28% were an intimate and 7% were another relative.
National Crime Victimization Survey, 2005: RAINN Statistics
References:
RAINN www.rainn.org/
www.survivorsswindon.com/
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